Wow. Maybe I should re-introduce myself, it’s been a while. As you can all assume, life has changed dramatically since June 3, my last post. Since then I have graduated from YWAM, visited Leanne in Sydney, and made the long trek back home to Canada. Beyond that sentence, I don’t really know what to write. Life back home is hard to sum up. Its beautiful, its familiar, and its safe. It is so great to see everyone again, to catch up on everyone’s lives, and to be encouraged by what God has been doing back home. I’ve found myself in a time of transition, which in the past I’ve generally hated. Transition’s usually include messes, periods of frustration, and a whole lot of preparations. The thing about this time is that I don’t know what I’m preparing for.
See. I’m home. I’m looking for a job, I’m getting back in the swing of things, I’m catching up with everyone, but I feel at times my wheels are spinning. “What’s next?” is a question that’s almost as common as “How are you?”. And I know I can look at it two ways. I can see that I’m in an unknown area, a place where I don’t know what’s next. I can get frustrated, or I can see that all doors are open. I could go to school. I could go back to Australia. I could work and volunteer, and I can just be. JUST BE. That’s definitely something I haven’t been able to do in a while, just be here. Be me. Be in this place. That sounds beautiful to me. So although I don’t know what’s next, I don’t feel the need to explain why that doesn’t bother me. I’ve spent the past 5 months learning how to trust my Father to bring me where He needs me, and I’m not going to stop trusting Him on that.
So the other day I was reading from Psalms 77, and I something popped out at me. The psalmist says,
“When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord. All night long I prayed, with hands lifted towards heaven, but my soul was not comforted.”
In my Bible notes, it says something about–lifting hands towards heaven– and it’s a sign of vulnerability and dependence. The entire thing just screams at me, because I know that I’m not depending on God. Yes, I want His guidance, and I definitely want to involve Him on decisions, but depend? Maybe not. I find it amazing how quickly you can forget what you’ve learned, and just trust in yourself. And for those of you who see the last statement, my soul was not comforted, also know that the psalmist later reminds Himself of God’s continuous blessings.
I don’t know about you, but I’m at a time in my life where I’m calling out to God and asking big questions. I get frustrated, but I remain honest. I talk to Him, I keep the lines open, and He remains faithful. And in those moments where I doubt, I’m not ridiculed or judged, but He gently reminds me how He’s always been there. Always will be there. He’s guided me and blessed me in the past, and I trust Him to continue that. So maybe I don’t know what’s next for me. Maybe I won’t know until I get there. But I do know that He’s with me, He hasn’t abandoned me. What about you? What’s next for you? Does it matter if you’ve had the same job for 15 years? Don’t ever stop asking yourself what’s next, because when you do, you stop moving forward. Let’s figure this out together.
With Strength that is not my own, Sam