You, my dear friend, are reading the blog of a girl who just got accepted on staff in Kona, Hawaii. Doesn’t that add some spice to your evening? It did to mine, that’s for sure! For an email I was waiting weeks to receive, it sure did catch me by surprise, yet one that is completely welcome. I haven’t had too much time to dwell on the details, much less the reality of leaving home for 2 years as a missionary, but I’m sure it’ll hit me within the next week at some point.
As I’ve been trying to explain to people what I’ll be doing in Hawaii, I’ve had this overwhelming sense of peace. You know that feeling when you let out a big deep breath, and your body just relaxes? That’s what happens when I explain how each one of my talents and passions will be put to work. Yesterday I was talking to a sweet friend, and she recalled a season in her life similar to the one I’ve been in recently. A time of waiting, of expectancy, and a time of refinement. On one hand, we are so ready for God to refine us- to help us overcome our weaknesses, to build better character, to show us our faults so that we can work on them together. The outcome is glorious, but the process is painful. No one wants to be shown their weaknesses, no one wants to be reminded, again, of their faults. It’s a humbling process, and I am no where near finished, but it’s a journey that I have to choose every morning when I wake up.
Aside from being accepted on staff, life is continuously challenging me. I’m trying to find a balance between spending sweet time with God and improving my skill in photography. I’ve been so worried that I am “not good enough” at it that I’ve almost become to obsessed with it! Again, it’s a balancing act, but if I’m not using my gifts properly to serve God, what would be the reason for Him to give me that gift?
I also want to ask you to help me with something. When I was preparing for my DTS, I spent almost an entire year waiting. I spent a lot of time preparing, thinking about what it would be like, avoiding real life in order to avoid conflict- it was a very strategic year. These next 9 months could very easily turn into something very similar to that, and that’s the last thing I want. So my question for you- can you help me live here, be here, act here, while I can? I want to be that old lady who dies, and their grandkids say “Wow, grandma knew how to live.”, and I think I have that potential. I think we all do. But I want to do life with you, because it’s better that way. So please, get in my face, be consistent, persistent, annoying even, but make sure I live fully. We can do it together 🙂
After reading through this, I’ve just shrugged my shoulders. It’s not eloquent, and the topics don’t flow well, and if you want an apology, I can give you one. I think in the last month I’ve written 8 different drafts, and not posted any of them, because they don’t sound good, pretty, peaceful. I almost didn’t post this one, because its not my style. But I guess if I’m the one writing it, it is my style. Sporadic. Random. Jerky. Either way, it’s me. So thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. ( I love each one, all 87 of them) Thank you for sharing your experiences with me, and for sticking with me through my roller coaster life. If that doesn’t get you a good reward in heaven, I don’t know what will.
With Strength that is not my own, Sam