You light up the sky

Hi there, my name is Sam, and I am one of the least disciplined people in the world. I’d like to take this chance (since it’s my blog) to apologize for my absence. I don’t know if you’ve missed me, but I’ve sure missed you! I really have no good excuse for not writing, except maybe I’ve been too busy? Even that one isn’t very good, because I’m sure you still find time to do things you love when you’re busy. So I digress- I have failed. But I’m here again, not making any promises on the consistency aspect of this, but I’m here now!

This summer has come and gone in a fury of activities, conversations, road trips, endings, engagements (best friend, people, not me), and a whole lot of falling in love with Jesus. My contract as a nanny finished up on the 14th which was a million times harder than I’d expected, of course. Those two children, along with their parents, have etched themselves inside my heart. I do not say goodbye, but a “see you later”. I don’t know the plans God has for them, but I’m sure they’re big and beautiful, and hopefully cross up with mine again one day! I also spent 2 weeks travelling eastern Canada with 3 other friends which was fantastic! If you’re travelling on a budget, might I suggest couchsurfing.org? We had a great time meeting locals, scoring a free show to Cirque du Soleil in old Quebec city, I touched a whale in the ocean(!!), and we camped on the beach in Prince Edward Island. This is definitely a trip I will always remember.

While we were relaxing one day on the beach, I went for a little walk with God and He said something to me that at first I didn’t really understand. I actually had a hard time deciding if it was Him, or just me and my heart trying to make something out of nothing. I’ve been having a tough time getting any answers out of the staff at YWAM recently, not at their fault, but still a tough time. Because of this, I’ve been doubting if this is the right path for me (because if it’s right, it should be easy, right?) So I was doing some heavy searching, just really wanting to do what God has for me, and He saw my desire, but quickly and gently put my worries to rest. In the quietest, quickest way, He spoke. “Search for me in the darkness; I will be there, shining my light”. It was one line, short but sweet. I quickly rationalized that this was indeed NOT God, because darkness does not exist where God is, right? But then I thought “Well, if that wasn’t God, who was it?” I’ve never had a thought like this before, or heard anyone talking about this either- so where did that come from? I was a bit frustrated.

Frankly, I was looking for a “Sam, you’re on the right track. They’ll respond to your emails, people will jump at the chance of supporting you, and everything will work out. I’ve got this, keep pursuing me and it’ll work out.” And how about that- He gives me an answer I have to wait to understand. So the next day I was listening to a podcast, and out of nowhere, the speaker says “God needs you to illuminate the darkness. He can use anyone, including you, so go. It doesn’t matter where, just go, and He will show you the way.” Of course that caught my attention, but I brushed it off, like we always do with “coincidences”. So I take Monique’s iPhone and listen to a different podcast, I believe a sermon from Francis Chan and boom! There it is again!

I’m not going to make any assumptions about the darkest places on earth- where they are or what’s going on there, but I believe we’re called to them. Not because we ourselves are so talented at showing God’s light, but because by being His child, it should emanate out of us. We’re called because we have freedom, and we should want to share that freedom. We’re called because we dropped all our struggles, our suffering, our garbage, pain, issues and past mistakes, and instead took up a belt of truth, body armour of God’s righteousness. We have peace that comes from the good news for shoes, the shield of faith, helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit.

He does not call us and send us out alone. I have not been called back to YWAM to be sent out alone. I have a church family that loves me, a blood family that will miss me and wants the best for me. I have supporters that believe not in what I do, but in what God will do through me. I am sent out with the stories of God’s faithfulness, provision, comfort and direction from so many brothers and sisters. He hasn’t failed me yet, and I know He never will.

So for now I continue on. I will meet with sponsors, I will plan fundraisers, I will work and do my photography. I will continue falling in love with perfect love, even when it hurts. I will share my joys and sorrows with the ones He has provided for me, and I will never stop singing about how He has changed me. He’s captured my heart, my life, my all. Some call me over dramatic, but I don’t care. I will continue on, because He never stops loving me.

With Strength that is not my own, Sam

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3 thoughts on “You light up the sky

  1. Pingback: Here and gone again | The Tale of One Girl

  2. Pingback: Here and gone again »

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