I should apologize again for my absence, but that has been done before. I could apologize because life has been ridiculously busy, but I’ve been enjoying it. I could apologize that I haven’t written, but I’ve still been learning. So I will apologize for not sharing what I’ve learned. Please grab some tea or something else that is delicious to you, because this girl has been learning heaps.
My life is made to be unsafe. There- I said it. And I’m the kind of girl that believes that this is alright. Lately I’ve been called many things, including naive, idealist, unrealistic, dreamer- the list goes on. People mean well- they are concerned for my safety. They don’t understand picking up and leaving- again. They love me and want to protect me- I see all these things. But something deep down inside me feels like screaming- not at them, definitely not at them, but still screaming.
When did we become so obsessed with safety?
Our lives are tailored around it. We turn on the news and fear. We fear weather, we fear other countries, we fear government, people, cars, animals and even words. I get it. We like to be safe. But is that what we’re called to? Weaving our lives around the unsafe, the unsure and the unpredictable?
I don’t think so.
I realize writing this could cause some discomfort- for me and for others. But what I’m saying has been churning in my mind for the past few months, and increasingly so as my departure date comes closer. (12 weeks!!) Call me naive, but I’m not concerned about my safety. I know that my life rests in the hands of God- and that is the most powerful statement I could ever make. He has asked me to go, and so I will. Will I be placed in situations that are uncomfortable? Most likely. Will I be in over my head? Absolutely. Will I be homesick and worried? At times, yes. But what’s my cost?
When I was in Papua New Guinea, we had a church service at night in one of the villages we stopped in. I was tired from hiking, probably didn’t smell that wonderful, I was hungry and not really “feeling” a church service. So we did our thing- asking God to lead us, to speak through us, and to show Himself to the people there. The service was nothing out of the ordinary, but one question came up from a man that met us there. He, in a longwinded way, asked “What is the cost of following Jesus in North America? Here, if we follow Jesus, we must give our food to someone else, because we must show them love. That means we have no food for our children. Here, we must invite someone into our homes to sleep at night, forcing one of our family members outside to sleep. What is your cost? What do you lay down?”
I was so ready to say “I left everything I know- I left it all to come and seek for you. That’s what I gave up.” But I sat quietly and let it all sink in. Just 3 weeks from that church service I was back home. Back with my family, my friends, comfort, food and safety. And that man was still there in PNG giving away his bed and food.
What is your cost?
I am not trying to be brave. I’m not trying to shine a spot light on myself- I am a selfish person with selfish ambitions, but I am washed freshly clean in the grace and blood of Jesus. I give up my safety. I will go to the unsafe village to love the people who get overlooked daily. I will speak life into the hearts of the unseen, and I will give words to the precious children who go unheard. Perhaps people will continue to worry for me, perhaps that’s how they show love, but rest assured- I am safe.
I’ll leave you with some song lyrics that have been rousing in my soul lately.. I’m loving the way God connects feelings and words.
I let go of all I have
Just to have all of You
And no matter what the cost
I will follow You
Jesus, everything I’ve lost
I have found in You
When I finally reach the end I’ll say
You are worth it all
There’s no riches
That will satisfy
Every longing for You, Jesus
Set this heart on fire
Set this heart on fire
And here’s the video that goes along with the lyrics! Bonus for you 🙂
With Strength that is not my own, Sam