Everyday, we write a page in our life book. Sometimes the pages look the same, depending how long you live a similar lifestyle. But sometimes your pages start to shift, they get a new theme. Sometimes these changes are slight, barely noticeable. They only way you know something is different is when you look back and see the change. Right now, in the stage I’m in, I have new pages. These pages are totally different from the ones I wrote before. These pages look different, and they sound different. They are fresh, clean, and unhindered. These pages are getting filled very quickly. God is writing things in me that I have never known before, and let me tell you, it is so freeing!
This week has been insane. I looked over my notes, and they alone tell a story. Monday I took 6 pages of notes. I was enthralled with what was being thrown at me, I ate it up and craved more. Tuesday was rough. Our speaker challenged our thoughts on God. I was ticked, to say the least. “Who is this man to falter my image of God?”. Little did I know, Kevin wasn’t faltering God, he was simply revealing truths to me that I didn’t want to accept. And why not? Because I wasn’t taught it before. Wednesday was a slight continuation of Tuesday. We just needed to establish who the Bible says God is. Does God change His mind? Read Jonah. Are God’s decisions able to be influenced by a mere human? Read Ezekiel 4. I didn’t like this. I didn’t like the thought that I, a faulted human, could influence the Creator of the universe. I didn’t like how God had to change His mind, because that, to me, meant He didn’t have the outcome planned out. How could all this happen if God is perfect? The thing is, just because these things happen, God is not diminished. God lets us be a part of future plans by letting us ask for things. God changes His mind because He is gracious, and His previous plans don’t apply any more because nations turn to Him. So just because it turns out that God isn’t who I thought He was doesn’t mean He isn’t still good. It doesn’t mean He isn’t still infinite. It doesn’t mean He isn’t still bigger than I can understand. It means He wants me. He wants for me to offer my opinion. He wants me to know that this relationship we have is influenced by both Him and me. And what about that is scary? Absolutely nothing. So after all this revelation, we wanted to meet this God that we were learning all about. We wanted to meet the Spirit, and learn more about what part the Spirit has in the Trinity. So we did.
Thursday was a continuation of Wednesday. You guys know head knowledge right? Like, I’ve always known God loves me. “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” We rattle that song off from the time we can talk. And it’s so true. But it’s head knowledge. I wanted to know, in my heart, that He loves me. I wanted to let go of the standards I was setting for Him, but still come to Him with expectations, because that’s allowed. We are allowed to expect things from God. Just like you expect certain things from a husband, wife, best friend, or even neighbour. I made expectations for Him. And the beauty of it is that I could never have an expectation for Him that He couldn’t fulfill. The thing is, you need to come before Him with your real self. Don’t come before Him pretending to be happy, because He knows your heart. So I dropped the guard. I told Him what was on my heart, and I was prayed for by 3 incredible men of God. And guess what. HE LOVES ME. He really does. In His own way, He showed me. He told me who I was to Him, He told me what I’m meant for, and He told me to keep going, keep stepping closer to Him.
Jesus crashed into me yesterday. I finally realized something. All this time I’ve been running for Him. I’ve been pushing things out of the way, throwing stuff around, making a mess of life, and there was beauty in it. Because on the other side of the door, Jesus was doing the same for me. HE was running to me. HE was fighting for me. HE WANTS ME. He crashed into my heart, and it didn’t hurt. He filled me with His spirit, and you would have died laughing at me, because I was so overjoyed. No one could get me to stop laughing. And I didn’t want to. Because He loves me. And that is joy to my ears. So why not laugh? Why not.
Tomorrow morning we’re leaving for Hidden Valley. Two weeks of camping. We are learning Lordship, and then a secret topic! 🙂 The drive is about 2 hours north, so I’ll be sure to make a super annoying playlist for the ride! I’ll be keeping a journal, so I will top you up when I return on the 6th. Sunday my outreach team is going for a hike through the rain forest. We’ll be dropped off and we’ll hike our way back, anywhere from 3-6 hours! We also found out the first stretch of hike for outreach in PNG is 15 hours! So again, please pray for me! 🙂
Here’s my outreach team! We’re pretty awesome. This is at the top of Castle Hill, probably around 6:15am. Like I said, pretty awesome. The back row is Abbie (leader/friend) me, Claire, Lovisa and Sam T! The men: Ben (leader/friend), Pete, Jordan, Roger and Peter. This is as good as it gets! (To see a bigger view, click on the picture)
I hope the pages you write these next few days look more and more like Jesus. I miss you all! Lots of love from Australia!
With Strength that is not my own, Sam