I’m giving myself 5 minutes to write this. I want to let you know what I sound like when I’m not “perfectly” edited (although I know there are flaws on this thing somewhere). But I figured I don’t want to produce this perfect life, this perfect view of a life as a 23 year old, “galavanting” around the world as she pleases. So here I am, unedited, just letting you know what’s going on with me.
This week started off… strangely. Sunday morning I woke up feeling like I didn’t belong. Like I didn’t belong here in Canada, that this wasn’t my home anymore, that I don’t really have a home anymore. Instead of doing what I should have done, I wallowed in those feelings for far too long. I tried to journal, but really didn’t want to process any of it. I was stuck. Frankly I can’t even tell you how I got out of it, although I’m sure it was God pushing my thoughts around. Monday and Tuesday were full of running around. I’m so blessed to have so many people that want to see me, I actually had to sit down and write out a morning, afternoon and evening schedule so I didn’t overlap people. (I love my people- I want to see them all). My wonderful sister is giving me work to do, painting her…life, which I’m so thankful for, to have something to “do”.
Tuesday I almost went into panic attack as I realized I need to apply for a working holiday visa when I land in the Netherlands, and of course, I don’t have the required documents to apply for that, so I’ve been trying to race around and apply here in Canada for those documents, all the while missing my friends, painting, visiting, and filing taxes (which is a story in itself- a good one!).
So, stresses from this week:
feelings of not belonging
wanting to plant somewhere
Blessings from this week:
tax returns of a lifetime
pastors with camera connections
another monthly supporter
friends that love out loud (KJ- special shout out to you)
Mentors that will put it to you straight, and tells me to get over myself
God has everything in control, whether I recognize that or not.
And that is my 5 minutes unedited. I don’t know how often I’ll do this. Maybe it’s a one time deal, maybe it strikes a chord with you and I do it more often. I just want you to know I’m real, and not every day is perfect travelling this beautiful planet.
With Strength that is not my own, Sam