So I’ve gotten a bit more intentional about reaching out with my blog. Hence all the tags and categories and more of that boring stuff. So I get notified when someone is referred to my blog through Google, and it also (handy!) tells me what they searched in order to stumble upon it. Mostly it’s stuff about YWAM, transitions, even PNG! But yesterday was the best one yet.
Someone searched “weird, but beautiful”
I love that. I guess if that was the theme of my life I’d be pretty happy. I’m not really sure what this string of words is about, but I wanted to share that with you. It made me smile, hopefully it worked for you too.
On another note, I finished my journal from Australia. It was a long time coming, too. When I was there, I made it a point to write everyday. I guess you would know, but I love writing. There’s something about putting ink to paper and letting it all go, it’s my own personal release. I heal. I learn. I remember. I remind myself. So much happens, and I love it. I found the perfect quote the other day, it really explains writing for me.
“Ink on paper is as beautiful to me as flowers on the mountain. God composes, why shouldn’t we?”
And, as I was warned, after coming back from such a spiritual journey, the journal went on the back burner. I found myself writing when I was frustrated, or at the point where I was willing to throw it all away. Please tell me this happens to you too. But I smartened up. I realized how awful it was going to taste to me to have to read a book of complaints years from now. And really, what else would I do with these journals? I write to learn, and I love when I can look back and see it. So I’ve added some beauty to it. Some (many) happy thoughts, great things that God’s been saying to me. Notes about friends that have really blessed me. A huge entry about the optimism I hold for my future. And in my last entry, I learned even more.
Right now I am grounded. As I finished off my journal, I did a bit of an overview. A review of this past stretch, gathered pieces of my heart together, and really focused on how I’ve changed, and what remains the same. And of all the times I’ve asked God to send me somewhere, anywhere, I’m settled here. Is that ok? Yes. For now. I’m satisfied with the fact that I’m doing what He needs me to do. I’m waiting, actively, and enjoying my life (for the most part). This doesn’t mean I’m grounded here, never to leave again. Promises like that aren’t mine to make. But it means that I’m going to bloom where I’m planted. I recapped a conversation I had with God when I was in PNG, fretting about my next step, and it made me laugh. How often do we worry too much about something that hasn’t even happened yet. Or better yet, we worry because we don’t know what will happen, but automatically assume the worst. That’s where I was, and God waited quietly for me to babble on and on, trying to figure it out on my own, until He whispered a simple “I’ve got this”, and I shut up.
And I guess with all these words, I’m simply trying to say that I’m still learning. I’m learning how to trust, and I’m excited to see where I can give Him more and more room to surprise me. I’m learning that His plans are, contrary to my instincts, much better than mine. I’m learning that if He needs me somewhere, He will make it clear enough for me to understand, and I don’t have to doubt my ability to hear Him. And even better, I’m learning to give it back. Give back the love, give back the blessings, give back the knowledge. And hopefully each of you is in a better spot because of that.
And when it all gets quiet, when the words stop flowing through the ink, I’m left overwhelmed. I’m overwhelmed by the One who made me, and wants to know me. By the fact that my life is important to Him, and that I can always come back. Always.
Yet I still belong to You.
YOU HOLD MY RIGHT HAND.
You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
Psalm 73v.23, 24, 25
love, love, love,
With Strength that is not my own, Sam