Sometimes I read this and I’m just so.. exhausted! So I give you so much credit for sticking with me! I have a few things to unroll today, and I’m not so sure how smooth its going to be, so maybe pause for a second to grab a tea/coffee/anything and then we’ll have a go at this together.
Alright. Back now? Great. Let’s get at it.
So. When I flew home from Australia, I spent almost my entire flight to LA writing. (Surprise, surprise!) And until recently I haven’t really looked back on those pages. Partly because I read too many other books to be reading my old journals, and partly because I have this stupid obsession of only looking forward, when clearly I can and should learn from my past. Anyway’s, for no other reason but a thought from God, I decided to flip back, back to my last day on that beautiful Australian soil. And this is what I found:
SO much has happened in the past 5 months. It has been SO good, to say the most simple thing to close this up. I trusted God when He called me out of school last February. I trusted that He knew what I was doing. I knew the path I was on wasn’t what He needed from me. And now, I’ve found myself right back in the same position. I have so many paths that I can choose. Do I go back on YWAM? What about Africa? Maybe the Youth Centre? Or what if I go to Hilsong? And every time I pray, I ask God for direction. But over and over I get the answer…
But what do I choose? Anything. If you pick Hilsong and its not what God needs, He’ll tell you. If you make plans for Africa and its not from God, He’ll make sure you don’t get there. And even, what if you go to school but never pass? What if you fail? Who cares. Would you rather spend an entire life making awesome plans, or living OUT those plans?
I read that and sat, for quite some time, and mustered up the strength to surrender again. It reminded me of camping in the Outback, when a certain Mark Parker yelled at us until we cried (good tears). It reminded me of my friend Cory, staring us dead in the face, hitting us with word that would sting for months to come. “You have already been forgiven, of everything! Why are you wasting His sacrifice by telling me “I can’t.” YOU can, because HE did.” And here I am, saying “I can’t, because…” I don’t know if this is 100%. I don’t know if I’ll succeed. And it’s all a crutch.
I have a plan. It’s a good, beautiful plan. I know the downfalls of letting secrets out prematurely. But I also know the benefits of having a group of fellow confused friends behind me pushing into our Father, so I’m letting you know what’s been bouncing between my head and my heart these past few weeks. Here goes nothing, I suppose.
In 5 words. Photography. God. Hawaii. Missions. Africa.
How does one go about linking these 5 together? Well.. logically speaking.. you don’t. But with God.. Oh, with God, anything is possible. (Matt. 19v26) So I’ve been looking into my passions and my talents, and trying to figure out how I can use them. I mean, God’s given me a gift, it’d be wasteful not to use it, correct? And then comes this lovely little phrase.. stumbled upon. I “happened” to stumble upon this website, which lead me to another, and I end up at the YWAM Kona website, staring at the page explaining the contents of my heart.
Please, go check it out. It’s incredible. It combines writing, biblical studies, injustice exposure all into one, while using photography to string them all together. I would hone in on my talents, study in depth God’s word, travel this beautiful earth, and reach out to the lost and hungry hearts of this land.
And yes. It is with YWAM. This coming from the girl saying “Going back isn’t for me. I loved what I experienced, but I don’t need more” What a joke that was. And this is purely an informative blog post. I’m not asking for donations. I’m not saying this is set in stone. I’m just saying this is on the horizon. And I’m asking you to pray with me. For clear direction, for faith to jump at something, for support to get there, and just to say ‘hey’ to the One who makes all this possible.
And I bet you’re wondering how Africa fits into all of this, right? Probably not, but I’ll tell you any way’s. If you know me, you know I LOVE Africa. Could not emphasize that more. And I’ve been torn recently. Do I pursue photography further, or jump right into missions in Africa? Yes, I do think I’ll be a “full time” missionary one day. Clearly I didn’t think about how God could join those together, silly me. But I’m starting to see how this will work out. I’m have this funny feeling that if I go with this Kona stint, I’ll meet a few people who can connect me with the right places in Africa. So! To Africa with love! And, a camera too!
I think we’ve made it. Over 900 words, and I could keep on going, but that would be cruel. Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring. For taking time to bother yourself with me. Thank you for being constant supports. Even if I don’t know your names, I know someone is out there. Maybe next time I post I can actually add some insight into your life, but right now, I’m trying to figure me out.
Love, love, love.
With Strength that is not my own, Sam