If you never visit me here again on this site, but you read this, I’m ok with that.

This morning I did the unforgivable. I skipped church. Actually, my beautiful church family is probably starting their sermon right about now. I’m sad I’m not there, but I’m thankful I’m home. After everyone left, I had quiet. All I could hear was the faint ticking of the clock, and the gentle water hitting the ground outside the window as snow melts away.

A few days ago, I started thinking about 2014. Now I can hear you already, “Sam- be in this moment.” Be calm- I was only thinking and asking God for a word for 2014. Last year in December as I prayed about 2013, He told me that this year would be “hard, but good.” This year, I gently asked Him for something different. “Maybe not so hard this time? Please?” But He’s the almighty, and He carried me through this year, so He can carry me through anything.

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In case you’ve been looking around here, and you’re missing me, remember to head over here. I’m not posting here on this blog anymore, so be sure to subscribe over there to see more photos, and read more words. Today’s post is a good one!

 

Much love,

 

Sam

I’ve moved..

Ever get those moments where your whole life seems to hinge off of one detail? Like- if I don’t get this job, then I can’t make my car payment, and then I won’t have a car, which means I won’t be able to get a new job, and then I’m jobless and carless. Or how about- if I don’t date/marry this person, then I’ll be alone for my whole life, and people will never stop looking at me with those sad eyes, or asking me if there’s “anyone on my radar”………

 

.                 .                .                    .                   .                .                  .                     .               .                 .

 

If you love me, and love reading what I write.. I’d like to invite you over here, where I will be writing from now on. I’ve so enjoyed this space, but realized the need to combine my art into one space, and the other guys won. I hope you’ll come and join me! If you scroll to the very bottom, you’ll find a spot to subscribe, so just like on here, every time I post, it is sweetly delivered right into your email.

Thank you for your dedication to me!

 

Samantha

More photos, more thoughts, less words

This week, as well as last week, I’ve been practicing my decision making skills. As it turns out, I’m not as skilled as I should be at making decisions, and so it’s been more challenging than it has to be. Thankfully, I’ve found a beautiful escape in nature here.

Last week’s decision: what visa do I apply for? And, based upon that decision, what forms do I need to apply for? This lead me to rushing a long form birth certificate in the mail, and booking a train trip to Ottawa next week. Discovery: be thankful for spontaneous adventures, and for friends who are willing to help you out.  Lesson learned: God has it all in control- even the boring, legal bits.

This week’s decision: Do I apply for a 2 year commitment to Amsterdam? As a sweet friend reminded me this morning, “2 years is a long time, but it’s not a lifetime”. Noted. Now to continue to pray, and then fill YWAM Amsterdam in on the spider web decision making process that is my brain. Your prayers are appreciated.

This week’s blessings: painting a room creates a brand new space, and opens up a fountain of creativity. Leaves that fall outside my window. Doing a job I love, for people I love even more (yes, Michelle, I mean you). Quiet time with Him. I’ve been quiet around Him lately, but decided (and recognized the great need) to walk back to Him and sit with Him a while. It was quiet for a bit, but not too long. I like to think He wanted to enjoy the silence of us just being there together. Together. What a beautiful word.

Thank you, my beautiful reader, for listening to the ramblings of my heart and mind. Please leave a comment and tell me what the blessing and decision and concern for you is this week.

With Strength that is not my own, Sam

Alive

 

I had plans of making this really beautiful collage of photos. Photos that represented people, places, things and experiences I am thankful for. I had plans, but then I decided to be with those people, to talk about those experiences, and to add to the list of places I’m thankful for. I spent the day with my sister, and then joined my dad in the tractor and relived a bit of my childhood. I realized today that the smell of a John Deere tractor never really does leave the memory space in your brain. In traveling, I’ve come to really appreciate this time of year. Yes- it is beautiful and cozy with sweaters and scarves and leaves changing colours, but it’s the holiday of Thanksgiving that is so beautiful. A day dedicated to making you stop and reflect on the things you’re thankful for. Here’s my list, in no particular order, and totally incomplete. I could be here for a while if I listed them all.

Thankful for:

A country like Canada to call home. It’s vast, it’s beautiful, it’s safe, and it holds so many of my memories. I’m thankful that I can contact my local MP to help me out with legalizing forms, that we have a government that cares about us (really, we do), that our backyard is nearly a national park, and that I can really hear people yelling “Thanks for stopping by, eh!” I love it.

I am thankful for handmade cards and letters, transformation, music, tea, thrift store finds, the smell of a field, living in a new place, and my bed.

Travel. It has opened my eyes, and my mind, completely. Traveling the world has helped me see my home with new eyes, to see “familiar” people groups with a new understanding, more compassion, and a more simplified mindset. Although traveling has opened my eyes to a lot of pain, it has showed me that simplicity is incredibly beautiful. I’m thankful for the ability and privilege it is to travel the way I do, with the people I do, and how it is making me a better version of myself.

I am thankful for my people. I could say family and friends, but really, you’re one in the same. I’m thankful that no matter where I live, God brings people into my life that challenge me, bless me, and teach me. You make me laugh uncontrollably, cry at your pain, shake my head around when I’m becoming too selfish, and question my beliefs in a great way. My people come in all different shapes and sizes, and as young as 2 to as old as 85. My life would be pointless, boring, and quite lifeless without you, and I am blessed beyond belief to have such incredible people to invest in me.

I am thankful for food, sunshine, tea, handmade journals, scarves made by my mum, nap times, toddlers learning new words, biographies.

I am thankful for the challenge and blessing of loving deeply and letting go. I am thankful for it because each time I do, each time I allow my heart to cling to another, my eyes are opened to a new perspective. I am thankful for it because each and every person on this earth deserves to be loved, and in that moment, He has chosen me to be the one to love them. I am thankful (and must choose this one daily) to let go of the ones I love. Thankful because, by being loved, they now have the ability and knowledge to love others well. By letting go, I release them to go where they are being led, and His love gets to be spread to more people. I’m thankful this is a challenge, because I grow most when I’m challenged, although I never desire the challenge.

I’m thankful for education, for Canada’s health care system, for a strong Dutch-Canadian heritage, tea, nail polish, tax returns, beautiful nieces and finding money on the ground.

I’m thankful for the past 10 months. When I look at the state of my heart on January 6, I can’t help but realize a softening, a maturing, and a subtle growth in myself. I walked into this journey quite naive, and although I still believe I’m naive, my eyes have been opened. God has opened them to more of what He sees, which is pain, brokenness and evil, but even more joy, hope and restoration than my small mind could ever comprehend. I’m thankful that I said yes when He asked me to pack that first suitcase, no matter what or who it meant I was leaving behind. I’m thankful that He is more committed to my plans than I am, and I’m thankful that He led me gently as I resisted so often the destination He was guiding me to.

I’m thankful for harvest, Thanksgiving, fog in the morning, old and new friends, hopes of a new camera, Amsterdam, road trips and brothers that make me laugh until I cry.

Take a page in your journal and write out what you’re thankful for. And if you don’t journal, start. I’m serious. The way I’ve seen God answer prayers, provide miraculously, teach hard lessons, and bless incredibly is all recorded for the past 3 1/2 years. Each time I read them, I stop and thank Him for how beautiful He is, and for how He uses me and blesses me along the way. I’ll add that to the list. Journalling. I’m thankful for the reminder it brings that He is good, all the time.

What are you thankful for?

With Strength that is not my own. Sam

Just 5

 

I’m giving myself 5 minutes to write this. I want to let you know what I sound like when I’m not  “perfectly” edited (although I know there are flaws on this thing somewhere). But I figured I don’t want to produce this perfect life, this perfect view of a life as a 23 year old, “galavanting” around the world as she pleases.  So here I am, unedited, just letting you know what’s going on with me.

This week started off… strangely. Sunday morning I woke up feeling like I didn’t belong. Like I didn’t belong here in Canada, that this wasn’t my home anymore, that I don’t really have a home anymore. Instead of doing what I should have done, I wallowed in those feelings for far too long. I tried to journal, but really didn’t want to process any of it. I was stuck. Frankly I can’t even tell you how I got out of it, although I’m sure it was God pushing my thoughts around. Monday and Tuesday were full of running around. I’m so blessed to have so many people that want to see me, I actually had to sit down and write out a morning, afternoon and evening schedule so I didn’t overlap people. (I love my people- I want to see them all). My wonderful sister is giving me work to do, painting her…life, which I’m so thankful for, to have something to “do”.

Tuesday I almost went into panic attack as I realized I need to apply for a working holiday visa when I land in the Netherlands, and of course, I don’t have the required documents to apply for that, so I’ve been trying to race around and apply here in Canada for those documents, all the while missing my friends, painting, visiting, and filing taxes (which is a story in itself- a good one!).

So, stresses from this week:

Visa’s

flight prices

feelings of not belonging

wanting to plant somewhere

 

Blessings from this week:

tax returns of a lifetime

pastors with camera connections

another monthly supporter

friends that love out loud (KJ- special shout out to you)

Mentors that will put it to you straight, and tells me to get over myself

God has everything in control, whether I recognize that or not.

 

And that is my 5 minutes unedited. I don’t know how often I’ll do this. Maybe it’s a one time deal, maybe it strikes a chord with you and I do it more often. I just want you to know I’m real, and not every day is perfect travelling this beautiful planet.

 

With Strength that is not my own, Sam